Penny for your thoughts
by Dr. Dana Scully Mulder
Summary: Basically what Scully is thinking during the day and what she tells Mulder when he asks. Rated M for her thoughts. PLS R&R MSR


**I don't own the X-Files.**

**I was just thinking about this while watching and episode with my son the other day, though I forget which episode. Mulder said a penny for your thoughts to Scully and I was like, I wonder what would happen if her thoughts weren't 'clean' enough to tell, and I came up with this. My First Fanfic.**

**Please review.**

If I told you how I really felt, would you hold it against me and never let me live down the words? If I were to close the small distance that separates us every so often, would you push me back? Or hold me close? If I were to tell you what was going on through my mind on most days, would you look at me as if I were an alien you longed to study? Or would you smile at me and try to make my thoughts a reality?

I wish I could open my mouth and let the words fall out and watch the world around me play in motion. I wish I could tell you everything I feel, everything I know to be real about you and me. I can wish all I want, but I know that no matter what that's all it will ever be, a simple wish with no chance of ever coming true. For what I want with you I can't have. Rules, life, our job……separate us, and what I want most of all with you we can't have because of everything that has gone on between us, because of what _they_ did to me, because of what _they_ took.

I see people every so often on my way home, couples smiling and laughing, holding on to that someone special as if by holding on they will never loose them. How I long that to be true, for if it were, you would never leave my side because I would never let you go. How I survive my life now, I'll never know, I just long for the weekend to be over and the week to start so I can spend my hours with you, so I can watch your face, see how it changes and how you react to certain things. If only I could put that special look on your face, the one I have seen you give Diana Fowley long before she died.

I would like to honestly say I'm not jealous when I see you looking at other women, I would like to honestly say I don't care who you spend your free time with…I would like to, but I can't…not honestly anyways. As selfish as it sounds I wish you only looked at me, I wish you only thought of me, but than again there I go with the wishing again.

Though I would never admit it out loud, I find a hard time admitting it to myself even now, I will forever think of you, as I watch you sitting across you desk, lips puckered out a bit in concentration, your forehead wrinkled in confusion. As I sit here now I sit back and watch you, it's all I can do, except imagine.

I imagine your lips placing soft kisses all over my body as I lay on your bed looking up at you. I imagine you whisper sweet words of nothing against my bare flesh that has suddenly become heated by the intensity of proximity you have on me. You lay above me, skin meeting skin, as your lips take mine and claim it as your own, so passionate and loving that once you pull away I feel my lips began to burn and bruise.

I take my gaze away from you as I close my eyes and imagine you entering my body so tenderly, I hold back a moan, knowing this would draw your attention to me. If only I could tell you what you do to me, even as I sit here only feet from you, I am surprised you can't notice my increasing body heat as every image of you and me alone in a bed passes through my mind. I let out a shaky breath as you take my breast into your mouth and lavish it with soft suckles, if only my imagination could be a reality.

In my mind, here in the safe haven of my thoughts, you are so kind and tender. The only thing that happens to cross your mind is how I feel during all this, as if you are only here for me, to let me feel. The velvety feel of your hands running down my hip and resting above my thigh pushes me closer over the edge as you thrust in a slow motion.

I would believe that this was only for me, a simple favor you give me, that no feelings are exchanged during this ordeal and soon after you will up and walk away leaving me to sleep away the memory of this time. I would believe this all to be true if it weren't for the fact you utter you love me as you release yourself in me and allow me to utter the same as you fall to my side to rest.

I know what you say it true for the look in your eyes could not lie. You don't get up and leave, you stay and hold me close as we fall into a deep sleep together, knowing that in the morning we will fake our lives through work only to come back to the bed again and repeat everything.

I sigh softly and open my eyes to see you still concentrating on the file before you. I long to reach over and press my lips to your, but only in my mind can I do this, only in my head where my thoughts are safe am I allowed to touch you. I loose myself one last time I the thoughts of your hands roaming my naked body again before I realize you have spoken and are looking at me oddly. Had your hand never would have accidentally grazed mine I would still be lost in my thoughts of you and I entangled in the others limbs.

"Penny for your thoughts." You utter as I am shoved back to reality. I smile and offer you my hand, palm up. In my mind once again you grab my palm and place soft kisses in the middle before kissing my lips and returning it, but in reality you pull a penny from your pocket and place it in my hand.

"To know what I'm thinking you need a lot more than a penny." I say laughing at how you have chosen to take me literal. I get up from my seat and head towards the door, it's way past the leaving hour and I still have to finish up a few reports at home.

As I reached for the door I am more than surprised when you grab my arm and turn my in your direction and I am in utter shock when you push your lips against mine. We have only kissed once, for New Years 2000 and I am unsure if this is another one of my thoughts or if this is really you I settle for the first thought and let the scene play out as I often do, but once your tongue slides out and licks my bottom lip I am stunned to find this feels more real than any other of my dreams.

I pull away from you and place my hand over your cheek, I need to know if this is my mind or reality. Everything leads me to believe that I maybe in trouble.

"Is that enough? Or do I need to pay you more?" You whisper to me as you place your forehead against mine.

"Pay me for what?" I asked confused, I'm still trying to find out if I've lost my mind.

"To know what your thinking." You utter a smile on your face as a laugh escapes your lips.

"I can tell you…" I trail off, I know this is my reality, that this is all real and I will not let this opportunity pass me by. "Or I can show you." I say slowly unbuttoning your shirt.

I am disappointed when you release me and feel suddenly embarrassed as you push away, but that is all removed when I find you locking the door and coming up from behind to hold me closer to you. I lean back and let myself feel as your warm hands unbutton my shirt and you lay me on your 'suddenly' clear desk. I smile as I notice all the supplies, including the file you were looking at, are thrown on the floor.

Soon I am looking up at you and though the room is different and we are not in a bed, you manage to do all the things you did to me in my mind without even knowing it. I smile inwardly as you let your eyes roam my now naked body and I let mine do the same to you. I must say the real thing is far better.

As we both come together I have never felt happier in my life, and I long to feel this way again soon. Once we have let the moment wear off and we change and head out the door together, we head to your apartment where we manage to spend the rest of our night and upcoming weekend secluded to your bed.


End file.
